Behind the closed doors of corporate management
lurks a manifesto so devious, so insidious, and of such diabolic power,
it has the ability to transform normal human beings into
paradigm–spewing zombies. Its purpose: to help bosses stick it to their
employees. Its author: none other than Dogbert, the canine corporate
consultant out to rule the world.
All too often, new managers make mistakes such as rewarding good work
with good pay, communicating clearly and improving departmental
efficiency. Dogbert shows that this could have devastating consequences:
Employees begin to expect fair treatment and compensation, productive
workers show results (making managers look bad by comparison), and the
department’s future budget allotment could be decreased because it
spends only what it needs.
Drawing from his years of experience tormenting Dilbert and advising his
boss, our Machiavellian mutt uses pithy essays, illustrated by scores
of comic strips, to teach neophyte managers such potent practices as:
1. The power of verbal instructions: Sound like a boss while maintaining complete deniability!
2. Empty promises of promotion: all the motivational benefits, none of the costs!
3. Pretending to care: Learn how to hear without listening!
4. Incentives: Inspire employees by giving them worthless knickknacks!
Once again firmly establishing Scott Adams as the spokesman for the
absurdities of the workplace (and Dogbert as the guru of sticking it to
the masses), Dogbert’s Top Secret Management Handbook is the perfect gift for all cubicle dwellers and their bosses.